I'm going to be honest here, and brief. I'm going to share feelings that I know I shouldn't have, but I do. First and foremost I KNOW GOD IS GOOD!

This is so hard. I lived in rebellion for so long. I received Jesus Christ as my Lord, Savior in March of 1982 and because I thought God was in control of everything, I blamed him when my two best friends died within 10 months of each other, right after I was born again. I begged God to bring Deuce back and take me because I had tried to witness to him and I failed him. I didn't know. There's still so much I don't know. I know more now than then, and I know the Lord is revealing more to me as I seek him. - I didn't slip, I dove head first into the filth of the world, worse than I was before. Godly conviction turned into condemnation immediately as I ran from God. I did all I could to kill myself without putting a bullet in my head. I guess this is turning into my testimony so I'm going to let it out.

When I heard and believed and confessed and received the Gospel of Christ, Jesus delivered me from everything; drinking, skoal, smoking weed, taking drugs, partying,- everything, even profanity. Truly a miracle. Then life & death happened and I didn't know how to stand. So I ran and I fell and I stayed falling, overdosing on pain killers, alcohol, Xanax, etc. I got to the place where I couldn't feel anything - empty. I shot myself twice within a 14 yr. period. I was essentially a mad man, angry, hurt, blaming God for my sins - shaking my fist and cursing Him for my life. Feeling like I was forsaken because I had forsaken my God. From 1983 on I rebelled and counted myself reprobate. I gave up on God, but I didn't know he hadn't given up on me. There were rare moments of silence when I heard faint whispers of hope and love, but I drank heavily for decades and was on drugs and medications that Dr.s said would kill me if I stopped taking - so I stopped, and was hospitalized for a short while. I'm sorry, I guess there's no way to keep this short but to cut it off. I guess long story short, is this past July 17 marked 5 years since I was delivered from alcohol and drugs and though I thanked God for it, I didn't give Him the glory.

 It was a glorious deliverance beyond everything I tried. then, only a few months ago God worked what I'll call the second greatest miracle in my life when He led me to the Garden, on August, 10,2014. Second only to Him saving me and loving me through the longest, hardest season of my life when I hated myself, when I hated Him and blamed Him for the consequences of every wrong thing I did. And now I'm off all medications and my mind is healed. I KNOW GOD IS GOOD! God is faithful. I just pray that I remain faithful to God, and that I would draw closer to Him and grow in the knowledge of his Love for me; and for me, that his Love would shine through me to those about me, and that utterance would be given to me, that I would open my mouth and BOLDLY share and make known the mystery of the gospel of Christ, which is CHRIST IN ME, the hope of glory.
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